TCK Social Bridge

Ian Miller | 07/08/2024

As a TCK I feel like a social bridge—part of me finding common ground with almost any culture, spanning the chasm that separates me from the other person in front of me. 

Growing up at an orphanage in Mexico that my parents started and led for years, I found myself as “brother” to lots of other children, all the while being seen as in a different class since I am white American and my parents were the directors. From a young age, I stepped into public relations for the orphanage since I spoke fluent Spanish and could communicate proficiently with the government officials. Again, I was a social bridge, trying to bridge the communication and cultural barrier between my parents and the Hispanic social workers. 

Being a social bridge has become a way of life, almost an identity for me. I feel most at home in settings where I’m viewed as the minority. Then I can do one of two things:

1) Play the part of “outsider” and have the fun of eavesdropping in broad daylight; this is easiest, since I don’t have to give any explanation for who I am—I just act like I’m supposed to (English-speaking caucasian male).

2) Blow their boxes by demonstrating that I’m not as much of an “outsider” as they think; this can be rewarding (relationships quickly forged) but it can also be draining (having to tell my story in a way that makes sense but that doesn’t take more than 30 seconds, which is kind of tricky).

Being a social bridge means I can find a way to fit in almost anywhere; but it also means I don’t really belong anywhere. That’s why answering the question, “Where are you from?” can be so complicated. My appearance says I should belong in a certain setting and not in another. But my experience lends itself to fitting in places that contradict my exterior characteristics. 

Perhaps the most difficult place to fit in is where I look like I should fit in. Because it is there that I am expected to know what’s going on, to understand the subtle nuances. And I sometimes don’t. 

The look of surprise from the Hispanic waiter when I rattle off in Spanish to him is rewarding because I’ve bridged the gap between our skin color and perceived cultural differences. Speaking his language communicates my desire to close the gap between him and me. But it’s disorienting and disconcerting when I start walking around the room shaking hands and then realize I’m the only one doing it. All of a sudden, I feel less like a social bridge and more like a cultural misfit. 

Reminder to self: Observe what others are doing first before you initiate. That will save you much embarrassment and social awkwardness. 

Social bridging is a subconscious way of life for me—constantly trying to tune into the social cues in the room because I’m never quite sure what they should be. This enables me to fit in (sort of) almost anywhere, forge relationships with a very diverse group of people, and bring understanding between people and cultures that are so far apart. But I never quite belong anywhere. Something about me always communicates, I’m not a cultural native. 

Most times I’m okay with that. I’m wondering though, what are the repercussions of this way of life—being a social bridge? I guess that’s something to process in my next post. 

If you’re a TCK and this resonates with you, I'd love to hear more about your experience!